


Change Will Come

by rainbowchristy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Barista Phil Lester, Child Abuse, Depressed Dan Howell, Depression, Domestic Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Heavy Angst, Hurt Dan Howell, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Phil Lester Is A Sweetheart, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29151066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowchristy/pseuds/rainbowchristy
Summary: Dan’s a depressed university student. Phil’s just a cute coffee shop barista who writes notes on Dan’s hot chocolates.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	Change Will Come

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy! And thanks to [dxnhowell](https://dxnhowell.tumblr.com/) for the moral support!
> 
> TW: Child abuse, domestic abuse, rape/non-con, references to suicidal thoughts, hospitals & mentions of murder/death.

Dan sighs, trying to mentally prepare himself for another day of lectures and peers he couldn’t care less about. His professors don’t give a shit about their work. The students somehow give even less of a shit. Dan really doesn’t think it’s possible but they always manage. Dan wonders why he even bothers, but then he sees his father sitting at the kitchen table and he remembers, not that he could ever really forget.

“How ya going, mate?” his father asks, roughly patting his shoulder as he makes his way over to the fridge. Dan flinches slightly at the touch but straightens himself up before his dad can notice.

“Alright. How are you, father?” he answers, pulling the milk from the fridge. He pours it into the bowl as his father answers.

“Exhausted. Damn work made me stay late again. Didn’t get home ‘till midnight.”

Dan nods and hums to show he’s listening. He pours the cereal into the bowl and grabs a spoon before heading over to the kitchen table.

He looks at his lap, where his most recent exam is resting. He knows his father knows about it so he can’t put this off forever, no matter how much he wishes he could. He closes his eyes and decides it’s best to get it over and done with.

“My exam,” he says simply, sliding the paper across the table. Before he can even blink, a hand comes up and slaps him across the face. He expects it but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

“The fuck is this?” he shouts. He’s furious and Dan watches as he scrunches Dan’s paper in his fist.

“I did my best, I swear. I’m sorry,” Dan tries but his father doesn’t care.

“Marianne!” he yells. Seconds later, his mother comes rushing into the room, a cloth in her hand. No doubt she’s been cleaning again – it’s all she ever does. “Look at this,” he demands, holding out the crumpled exam towards her.

In the top right corner, in thick red ink, ‘98’ is written with a circle around it. She spares a glance at Dan before looking back at her husband.

“Terrible,” she says, voice thick like the ink that caused this whole situation.

“Well?” he screams, angry at her now for not doing what she’s supposed to.

She walks over to Dan. “I’m sorry,” she whispers quietly enough for Dan’s father not to hear her. She grabs his arms and throws him to the floor. Dan doesn’t even try to fight.

“All yours, Sir,” she says. Dan sees her sad eyes briefly before she turns away to go back to cleaning. Dan’s father grabs his pants and pulls them down. Dan closes his eyes, wishing he’s anywhere but where he is.

~~~~

Phil yawns and rolls over. He checks his phone which tells him he has half an hour before he has to leave for his brunch date with Louise.

He doesn’t want to go to work today. Well, he doesn’t want to go any day, but he’s especially not ready to deal with rude customers and complicated orders today. He knows he’s silly because his parents are more than willing to support him if he needs it. But he wants to show them that he’s able to take care of himself, even if he still lives at home for now.

With an annoyed sigh, he tugs his button-up shirt onto his shoulders and adjusts the name badge so it sits properly against his chest. He pulls black skinny jeans onto his legs and slips his shoes on. He then migrates to the bathroom to brush his teeth and fix his hair.

“Hi, Lou!” he says excitedly as he enters the coffee shop. He gives her a hug. “How are you?” he asks as he pulls away.

“Good good. How are you going?” She takes a seat and Phil takes the one across from her.

“I’m good! I saw a really cute corgi on the way here and it makes me really want a dog,” he answers. He rambles for a few minutes before their regular drinks arrive. “Thanks,” he tells Abby, one of his co-workers. She smiles at him and then goes back to work.

Phil and Louise talk for an hour or so before Phil realises it’s almost time for him to start his shift.

“I’ll talk to you later?” he asks.

Louise smiles. “Yep. I’ll be here for a while yet.”

Phil gives her a quick hug before making his way behind the counter.

~~~~

Dan wanders around the campus, too scared to go home. He’s already been punished this morning, sure, but his father will no doubt be drunk by now and he’ll probably want to punish Dan again. Dan’s not ready for that yet; his body still hurts from that morning.

He sighs as he turns into a warm coffee shop and takes a seat on the sofa against the wall. It’s comfortable and Dan decides it’s a good place to waste a few hours people-watching. It’s one of his favourite activities. He finds watching teens laughing with friends and grumpy businessmen wandering home after a too-long day at work weirdly comforting. It’s relaxing, almost, knowing that the world is continuing on around him.

He’s pulled from his thoughts by a drink being put down on the small table in front of him. Dan looks up to see one of the baristas.

“Here you go,” he says, smiling brightly.

Dan shakes his head. “You must be mistaken. I haven’t ordered anything.” He looks away again but looks back when the man answers him rather than just taking the drink and finding the right person.

“You looked like you could use a nice warm drink. It’s on the house, don’t worry,” he answers, sliding the cup closer to Dan. “Have a good night. My shift’s just ending up so I’ll be heading home in a minute.”

“Oh, um, thanks,” Dan says, before quickly adding, “And you too.”

The man smiles and leaves. Dan stares at the drink and swallows. He’s thirsty, and the drink looks really yummy, but he’s just not sure. At this time of night, you never know what people might be up to. He seemed innocent enough, but Dan’s had more than enough experiences with spiked drinks in his own home. He turns away from the drink and watches the rain that’s just started falling.

~~~~

Phil pulls on his coat and signs his name in the book along with the time. He grabs his tips from his apron pocket and counts how much he made. After making sure he paid for the brown-haired man’s hot chocolate, he heads out to the front of the shop.

He spares a glance at the man and frowns. It doesn’t look like he’s touched his drink at all. Phil hopes everything’s okay. He quickly comes up with an idea and rushes over to the counter, grabbing the notepad hidden just behind the coffee maker.

He scribbles a message onto the notepad before ripping the page off and placing it next to the man’s drink. He rushes out of the shop before the man can stop him.

Even after he arrives home, Phil can’t stop thinking about the sad-looking man. He entered the coffee shop only two hours ago and Phil watched him throughout his shift, mostly to make sure the man wouldn’t have a breakdown. Phil assumes the man’s a university student, due to the shop’s location and the man’s general appearance and demeanour. Phil can’t work out why this man is so intriguing to him but he can’t help but wonder why the man was so sad.

Maybe he’d just broken off a years-long relationship, or maybe a family member passed away, or maybe he’d been let off from his job.

Phil realises pretty quickly that he feels something for the man. He wants to befriend him to find out why he’s sad and to make him happy again. A man as pretty as him shouldn’t be sulking. And– wait, _pretty?_ Phil swallows; he doesn’t even know this man’s name and he’s calling him pretty?

It’s true he’s been lonely for a while, after him and his high-school sweetheart broke it off for university. Marcus got into a fancy music college in the US and Phil was so happy for him, sure, but the break up was sad.

They’re still friends but Marcus is off making his dreams come true. Phil, well, Phil doesn’t know what he’s doing just yet. He’s happy where he is for now. He makes short films in his spare time and practises his editing skills for his university peers.

~~~~

Dan’s still in the coffee shop. It’s a little before 10 pm and the place is about to close up so Dan’s collecting his few belongings into his backpack. He sighs, not wanting to go home, but what choice does he have?

He looks at the table where the untouched drink still sits. Next to it is now a piece of paper that Dan never noticed being put there. He reads it and smiles lightly. If only the worker knew his problems weren’t so easy to solve.

_‘Be yourself. Don’t worry about what other people are thinking of you, because they’re probably feeling the same kind of scared, horrible feelings that everyone does.’_

Still, the message is nice enough. But then again, there’s no way in hell he’ll ever ‘be himself’. It was him trying to be himself that got him into this mess to begin with!

See, Dan had a pretty normal upbringing. Maybe his father drank a little more than most but so what. It wasn’t until Dan started high school and started straightening his hair that his father started calling him ‘fag’, ‘worthless’ and every other insult under the sun.

At least, that’s how he thought he’d grown up. He didn’t know that every bad mark he got led to punishment. His brother saved him from all of those. He can’t save him from punishments any more, and Dan’s still making up for all the missed beatings from his childhood.

Even with all the insults, it had never gotten physical. Well, until Dan was caught kissing a boy in his room. That was the same day his brother didn’t come home. It was also when his father took a belt to his back with his friend still in the room. The friend was terrified, as expected. But Dan quickly realised he never said anything to his own parents or to the school. Dan lost all trust in other people when that happened. His brother left him and the boy he was developing feelings for didn’t care about him either.

Dan remembers the pain that radiated through his whole body, sobbing as he begged for it to end. He doesn’t think he’ll ever forget it. Now, though, Dan wishes it was a belt to his back. Dan’s punishments nowadays always consist of being pushed onto his hands and knees as his father unzips his pants behind him. His mother usually leaves the room, not wanting to see what Dan’s forced though. Sometimes though, Dan’s father demands she stays and she’s made to cheer him on.

He feels sick just thinking about it. His mother was once a kind and caring person, but she degrades him almost as much as his father does now. She’s been made to, or else she gets Dan’s punishment instead. Really, Dan pitties her – she’s failed as a mother, choosing to protect herself before her (now only) son.

Dan slowly opens the front door, hearing the sounds of his father snoring on the couch. He sighs in relief and quietly closes the door before tiptoeing up to his room.

“Daniel,” a voice whispers into the dark of his room. He’s been trying to sleep – it’s the only escape he has from the torture of living – but it just won’t seem to come. “Can I come in?” it asks.

Dan mumbles a “yeah” and his mother rushes into the room, closing the door behind her.

“Hi, honey. How are you?” she asks. How she manages to be so sweet to Dan in private yet so absolutely horrid to him when her husband’s around is kind of amazing, in a barbaric way; she’s a good actor.

“How do you think?” Dan spits out. Even if she wants a relationship, Dan does not. He pities her and he doesn’t have time for anyone like her in his life. She’s toxic, even if she only does what she does out of fear.

“I’m sorry about this morning,” she says, sighing. “Listen, I can’t stay long. He’ll probably wake up soon. I just wanted to tell you I’m proud of you. 98 is a great mark.” She smiles and rubs his arm through the thick blanket.

“Whatever,” Dan snaps back, rolling over and dislodging her hand.

She sighs. “Get some sleep, honey,” she whispers, kissing the side of Dan’s head despite his protest and exiting the room, silently clicking his door shut as she does so.

Dan’s started from his sleep, eyes opening wide into the darkness of his room. His body is covered in a thin sheen of sweat and his memories quickly come back to him.

He was in the coffee shop and that man had given him a drink. This time, though, he forced it down Dan’s throat instead of just walking away. Dan wailed and cried for help but the others in the shop hadn’t given a single shit. The next thing Dan knew, he was on his hands and knees, his father using and abusing him. He was laughing like a mad man, clearly enjoying the power he had. And then– well, Dan woke up.

“Lazy fucking bitch!” Dan hears, followed by a scream from his mother.

No doubt his father awoke from another post-drinking-session snooze, pissed and ready to take it out on whoever he saw first. Unfortunately for her, she must have been that person. Dan’s sure that if she hadn’t been spotted, he would have come straight to Dan’s room. And even though she’s his mother, Dan’s still glad it’s not him this time.

~~~~

Phil pulls his button-up shirt over his shoulders and does it up. He snatches the name badge off his bedside table and adjusts his hair one last time before heading out to work.

It’s been a week since he’s seen the sad man and despite knowing nothing about him, Phil can’t help but worry. He’s an empathetic creature; he can’t help wanting to know the man’s okay. While there are plenty of one-time customers, Phil’s particularly worried at not seeing this man for a week. Sure, he could have come in when Phil was off work, but Phil had plenty of shifts, usually in the afternoon and evening, which is when the man had originally come in.

Despite his worry, he greets each customer with a wide smile and a ‘how are you today?’ Rachel, his usual shift partner, is as grumpy as a teenager who hasn’t slept in three days. Though, to be fair, that’s exactly what she is.

She has serious bags under her eyes that she’s clearly tried – and failed – to cover with cheap make-up. Her hair is greasy and really, it doesn’t look like she’s been taking care of herself. Phil knows she hasn’t been, but she definitely isn’t fooling anyone else, even if they don’t know her like Phil does.

Knowing how shitty Rachel’s feeling at the moment, Phil offers to take orders. She looks grateful even though Phil offers every day and it’s pretty much expected at this point. Still, she thanks him at the end of every shift, a slight smile gracing her pale lips.

“Caramel latte and hot chocolate, both standard milk,” he repeats to the customer in front of him, making sure the order is correct. After the woman nods, she hands over a $10 note and collects her change before making her way over to the small sofa against the wall. The same sofa the sad man had sat on a week ago.

“Next please,” he calls, stepping away for a second to give Rachel the woman’s order. “How may–” he begins before cutting himself off. Speak of the devil and he shall appear, or something like that.

In front of him is the sad man. He looks even more tired than he did last time and Phil has half the mind to compare him to the living dead, even though he’s much prettier than a zombie.

The man slowly blinks, seemingly unaware that Phil’s staring. “Hot chocolate, please,” he says. Phil realises his voice sounds like honey, something he didn’t pick up on last time. But he also sounds incredibly drained so Phil just writes down the order and gives the man his change.

He steps back to give Rachel the order. “Let me know before this drink goes out, okay?” he asks her, smiling sweetly.

She rolls her eyes lightly but agrees.

“Thanks, you’re the best!” he says before going back to taking orders.

A few minutes later, she tells him it’s ready as he hands over the next order.

“I’ll be just a minute,” he tells the next customer in line. He grabs the drink and scribbles a note on the lid.

_‘Don’t give up ^_^’_

He takes the drink and personally walks over to the man to deliver his order. He doesn’t look up, only continuing to stare out the window. Phil desperately wants to ask and make sure the man’s okay but he’s at work and there are customers waiting to be served. He’ll just have to talk to the man at the end of the shift. Hopefully he’ll still be there.

~~~~

Dan sighs, watching as people rush past. He hears the sound of a person next to him but doesn’t realise he should probably react. He couldn’t help it; his thoughts were running around his head. He’s expecting to receive another exam result tomorrow and he’s terrified.

After another few minutes of people-watching, he gathers the drink into his cold hands and takes a sip. There are plenty of people around this time and it’s not as late so he deems it safe to do so. He smiles, enjoying the warmth the drink gives his body.

As he pulls the drink away from his mouth, he notices the black splodge on the top of his drink. It’s hard to read because it’s quite messy but he smiles once he understands what it says.

He looks around, wondering who wrote it. He quickly decides it must have been the barista who’d take his order. He’s the same man who had given him a drink the other day, not that he’d drank it then.

He seems sweet, Dan decides. Still, while he appreciates the message, he knows he wouldn’t actually care if he did give up. He pulls his backpack onto his shoulders and leaves the shop, needing to get out of the cozy space all of a sudden.

He goes to the bridge nearby and sits on the edge. He isn’t going to jump. It’s just a peaceful spot he’s come to before when he’s been upset. The wind in his hair and clothes – even if it’s freezing – is relaxing.

And if he happens to fall, well, he wouldn’t really mind.

As the moon begins to set, he realises he needs to get home. He hadn’t realised how late it got. He clicks his phone on to check the time – 1:23 am – only to see about fifty-thousand messages from his father.

Okay, it’s only six. But still, it’s six, very scary, messages.

_10:13 pm - Father: Where is the little fag at?_

_10:48 pm - Father: Come home. I wanna have fun and your whore mother is off fucking another man._

_11:58 pm - Father: You can sleep on the fucking streets for all I care. You’re a worthless piece of shit. Only good for a fuck._

_12:02 am - Father: Little faggot. Off whoring yourself out like the other bitch I beat?_

_1:02 am - Father: You’re in so much trouble you little shit._

_1:41 am - Father: Daniel, this is your mother. He broke my phone. Where are you? Are you safe? I’m worried. Please come back soon, he’s passed out right now so you’re safe._

Dan wipes the tears from his eyes that freeze his face even more. He’s so so so cold. And he has a warm bed at home. But also a father ready to beat him to death and a mother who would do nothing to stop him.

Still, he knows he can’t stay away forever. He has to go home. So he does. And it’s anything _but_ a pretty sight.

~~~~

“Phil, dear, why are you up?” his mum questions from his bedroom door. She rubs her eyes and adjusts her nighty as she waits for a reply.

“Can’t sleep,” Phil answers, sighing and turning to face her in his swivel chair.

“Well, you aren’t even in bed. That’s a start,” she says, chuckling lightly as she walks over to him. “Come on, into bed you hop. It’s late.” She helps Phil over to the bed – not that he couldn’t do it on his own – and tucks him in.

Phil snuggles himself down into his sheets. He’s frowning though, which his mother notices.

“What’s wrong, child?” she asks.

“There’s a guy who’s come into the coffee shop a few times now. He seems really sad, though. I’m worried about him,” Phil explains, unable to stop thinking of said boy.

She takes a seat on the edge of his bed. “Do you know anything about him?”

“Other than he ordered a hot chocolate when he came in today, nothing. I’ve only seen him twice and I wrote a little note to him both times but I don’t think that’s enough. He got up and rushed out earlier today. I just hope he’s okay.”

His mum smiles sadly. “He probably just realised he was late for something. I’m proud of you for wanting to help but you can’t help anymore right now, okay? Get some sleep and when you see him next time, as for a name or something. Try and get to know him. You know better than most how much one person can make a difference.”

Phil nods, accepting her advice. “Thanks. Night, Mum,” he whispers, suddenly sleepy.

“Sweet dreams, Phil.”

~~~~

“Hi. What can I get for you?” Phil asks with a smile. The brown-haired man is in front of him again and Phil’s relieved he’s okay. Well, ‘okay’ meaning ‘alive’. He has massive bags under his eyes rivalling Rachel’s and his face is beaten and bruised. His hair is a matted mess and his clothes have spots on them that Phil thinks could be blood before deciding it’s just his imagination.

“Hot chocolate, please,” he says, voice croaky.

“Take a seat, I’ll bring it to you when it’s ready,” Phil answers. The man looks up but not into Phil’s eyes before holding out a $5 note. Phil shakes his heads, holding his hands up. “No no, this is on me,” Phil says, insisting.

The man – and Phil really needs a name so he can stop calling him ‘the man’ – puts the note on the cash register and walks away, effectively ending the conversation.

“Hold it?” Rachel asks, taking the order from Phil. She knows the routine by now, even if this is only the second time the man’s ordered and only his third visit.

Phil nods and forces a smile back onto his face as the next customer comes through the glass door.

It’s a quieter day, which Phil’s thankful for. He hopes to talk to the man a bit, get a name and maybe a phone number. Once Rachel tells him the order is ready, he collects it and makes his way over to the man, taking a seat across from him at the table.

“Here you go,” he says, smiling as he places the drink on the table.

“Thank you,” the man – who honestly looks more like a boy in his current state – whispers, gently collecting the cup and bringing it to his lips.

“I’m Phil,” Phil continues. “What’s your name?”

Despite his clear discomfort, the man answers, “Dan.”

Phil smiles widely. “It’s nice to meet you, Dan.”

Despite very little response, Phil continues his attempt at conversation. Rachel, the sweet teenager she is, is taking orders so Phil doesn’t have to leave. He’ll definitely pay her back for that.

“I have to go,” Dan says suddenly, halfway through one of Phil’s coffee shop horror stories.”

Phil blinks. “Oh, okay. Well, could, uh, could I maybe get your number or something? Only if you want, though. You just seem cool and I’d like to get to know you more. If no, that’s okay too, of course. Just, uh, forget I asked?” Phil rambles, making Dan laugh lightly. Phil grins, happy he could make the man – Dan – smile.

Dan tears a page out of his notepad and scribbles on it.

_‘Coffee shop weirdo’_

Underneath is his number and before Phil can respond that Dan isn’t a weirdo, he’s gone. Phil sighs, collecting the coffee cup Dan left behind and putting it in the bin. He is still at work, after all.

Rachel’s relieved when he returns and they go back to their usual routine of Phil dealing with customers and Rachel making the drinks.

~~~~

Dan, to put it simply, is in deep shit. Shit as deep as the molten layer of the Earth. Shit as impossible to escape as tar.

“Get the fuck out!” his father shouts at the top of his voice. Dan flinches back, only getting the tail-end of a slap directed at him. He’s not even sure what he did this time but he knows better than to ask.

Dan stumbles back and trips over the coffee table, falling and crashing into it, smashing the glass. He screams in pain, feeling wet drip down his back.

“Aw, the little fag cut himself,” his father sneers, kicking Dan back down as he tries to get up off the broken glass.

“Sir, please stop. He will bleed out if you don’t let him get up,” his mother whispers, drawing his attention to her. She has pain in her eyes which is replaced with fear as soon as her husband turns to her.

“Is the little whore worried about him?” he asks, laughing and stomping over to her. The smell of alcohol and cigarettes follow him.

Dan’s left to watch as he beats the ever-loving shit out of his mother. She begs him to stop but he only hits harder when she does. Dan, feeling sick to his stomach at the sight, and light-headed from the pain, tries to stand up.

After catching his balance, he shuffles out of the room and towards the front food. If he stays, his dad will eventually turn back to him. He can’t take another beating; he’s already on death’s door, he can feel it. He stumbles down the quiet street, ears ringing with the screams of his mother and the swears of his father.

His eyes are foggy and, because of that, he doesn’t see the crack in the path. He stubs his bare toes against the edge of the rough concrete and topples over, not having the energy to catch his balance.

Exhausted, he curls up into a little ball. He’s had enough. He can’t care any more. There’s nothing to live for. And that’s the last thing he remembers thinking before black engulfs him.

~~~~

“He’ll wake up soon enough. You did a good job, son. Got him here just in time,” the doctor tells Phil.

“O–okay. Thank you, Dr Carter,” Phil says, sighing but still giving the greying man a warm smile.

“I’ve got other patients to check up on. You can press this when he wakes up and a nurse will come find me, okay?” the doctor explains, gesturing to the orange button attached to a cord on the bedside table.

Phil nods and sighs again after Dr Carter leaves the room.

“What on Earth happened to you, Dan?” he asks despite knowing the pale body on the bed isn’t going to respond.

He sits back in his seat, getting comfortable. Dr Carter said it could be anywhere from thirty minutes to a few hours before the boy woke up. It all depends on how quickly his body could regenerate the remaining lost blood and even out his levels. The doctors had given him some but don’t like to use more than they have to, which makes sense considering they have a limited amount. Still, there was nothing to do but wait, apparently.

Just over an hour of waiting later, a small cough comes from the bed.

“Hey,” Phil says quietly. “You waking up?” It’s a stupid question, really. _Of course_ the boy’s waking up. How else could he cough?

A groan comes from the bed in the form of a reply and Phil laughs sadly, reaching over and pressing the button before pushing the grimy curls off of Dan’s face.

Slowly, the boy blinks his eyes open, eyes dazedly looking around the room before landing on Phil.

“What?” he asks, voice wheezy. He coughs some more.

“Hey, take it easy, okay?” Phil says, standing to look at Dan closer.

“What happened?” he tries again, clearly determined.

I was on a walk to think about things and you were on the ground bleeding out. I called an ambulance and they got you here just in time,” Phil explains.

“Wha–” The boy is delirious and Phil curses himself for thinking it’s cute. The boy is suffering from blood loss; _so cute, right?_ He’s ridiculous.

“I don’t know how you got there,” Phil says, guessing that’s what Dan wants to know.

Before he can ask anymore questions, there’s a knock at the door and Nurse Kiara walks in. She’s been in and out a few times, checking Dan’s vitals and such. She’s sweet, making small talk with Phil while she works before excusing herself.

“Good to see you awake,” she says, smiling. “I’ll just check your levels and find Dr Carter, okay?”

Phil nods and a few minutes of silence later, Dr Carter walks into the room.

“Ah, so the rumours are true,” he says, chuckling. “Alright,” he says next, taking a seat on the other side of Dan, opposite from Phil. “Can you tell me your name and date of birth?”

“Dan. The eleventh of June. Uh, I can’t do the maths but I’m eighteen.”

The doctor chuckles and smiles. “That’s okay. Last name?”

Dan opens his mouth to answer but Phil interrupts, panicking. “Lester,” he says quickly.

Dr Carter raises an eyebrow but, when Dan nods, scribbles it down in his notes. He asks Dan a few more questions before leaving the two of them alone.

“What was that?” Dan asks as soon as the door closes, looking at Phil.

“Sorry,” he says immediately. “Only family is supposed to be here. I said you’re my brother,” Phil explains, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment.

Dan just blinks at him before smiling and breaking into laughter. “We– we look nothing alike!”

Phil laughs too. “Half brothers then?”

“Sure, if you say so.”

~~~~

“Just sign here one more time and you’re good to go,” the same nurse from before explains. Dan signs where she points and places the pen on the clipboard, handing them over. “Look after yourself, Mr Lester,” she says, giving Dan a light squeeze on his shoulder. Dan holds back the wince from her grabbing one of his bruises.

“Ready to go home?” Phil asks, wrapping his arm around Dan’s shoulders. He can’t stop the shudder that rushes through his body. “Sorry,” he says. Dan looks down guiltily.

“It’s okay.”

They walk out of the hospital together but stop just outside.

“So, I better be getting home. I– uh, thank you, Phil,” Dan says, rubbing his bare arms as goosebumps form due to the wind.

Phil frowns and Dan reminds himself that Phil’s never hurt him. _Yet_ , his mind supplies.

“Oh, okay,” Phil says. “Um, will you be okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Dan says, smiling in an attempt to calm Phil. He’s clearly worried if his voice is anything to go off.

Phil doesn’t seem satisfied. “Come visit me? I’m working tonight. I wouldn’t mind some company,” he asks.

Dan smiles, eyes sad as he realises what probably awaits him when he gets home.

“I’ll see if I can make it. No promises, though.”

Phil must realise Dan’s reply is as good as he’ll get because he smiles and nods.

They wave goodbye to each other before heading off in opposite directions. Dan to what could be a collection of fresh bruises, and Phil off to wherever he has to be.

~~~~

Phil hasn’t seen Dan since that day. He hasn’t come around to visit him at work and sure, it’s only been a few days, but he can’t help but worry.

As he’s wiping down the bench, he remembers when Dan was last in here. Or, more specifically, what he had given to Phil.

_5:12 pm - To Dan: Hey! Just checking in after the hospital. Everything healing ok?_

And a few seconds later, he types another.

_5:12 pm - To Dan: This is Phil, by the way._

Phil goes back to work, satisfied that he’ll get an update from Dan soon enough.

Except he doesn’t get a reply. In fact, a week has now passed since the hospital and Phil hasn’t heard a single word from Dan.

He tries to tell himself Dan’s just busy. Or that he’s recovering. But no matter what he tells himself, his gut says something else. And when his gut says something, it’s usually right.

“Dan!” Phil says excitedly as he looks at the next customer in line.

It’s been over a week since he’d seen the man now. Phil looks at him and, to be honest, he isn’t looking great.

“Hot chocolate, please,” Dan says instead of acknowledging Phil.

Phil nods despite feeling uncomfortable and rings Dan up.

A few minutes later, Rachel is telling him the order is ready. She takes over the till for him since it’s quiet at the moment and Phil gives her a thankful smile.

“Here you go,” Phil says, placing the drink in front of Dan and sitting opposite him.

“Thank you,” Dan answers quietly. Phil sees him smile at today’s note.

_‘Don’t give up. One day you’ll look back and be glad you didn’t.’_

“So, what have you been up to?” Phil asks, trying to get a conversation going.

Dan shrugs. “Studying,” he answers after a long silence.

Phil smiles. “What are you studying?”

Dan frowns and eyes him up. Phil can tell it’s not Dan checking him out by his expression but his cheeks still heat up a little bit.

“Law,” Dan says after another long pause.

“That sounds interesting,” Phil says, enthusiastic despite Dan’s utter lack of energy. “What does it involve?”

Dan’s still frowning but he seems to open up a bit more. “A lot of reading about boring court cases.”

Phil makes a sound of disgust which makes Dan smile.

“How are you healing up?”

Dan loses his smile, which Phil decides is too bad. Dan looks much nicer with a small smile than a pain-filled frown.

He closes his eyes. “I’m okay.”

Phil frowns too. “You don’t sound okay. Er, no offence.”

“It’s okay,” Dan says, still frowning. “I’m okay,” he repeats.

Phil nods slowly, not believing Dan in the slightest but knowing they’ve spoken properly on a total of three occasions – including this one – so he’s in no position to push it.

He tries to fill the silence but Dan isn’t responsive at all. He’s completely shut down.

Eventually, he gives up. Both because having a one-way conversation is incredibly hard to maintain and also because their small break from frequent customers is about to end.

“Well, I’ll text you later,” Phil says as he stands up. Dan nods but doesn’t say anything so Phil sighs and walks back behind the counter, ready to assist the next customer.

~~~~

The house is deathly silent when Dan opens the door. He chooses not to question it and instead, quietly go straight to his room. He doesn’t want to know where his mother is and he certainly doesn’t want to know where his father is.

He thinks back to the coffee shop. How nice Phil’s been, writing little messages on his hot chocolates. Not to mention trying to engage him in conversation.

Dan doesn’t really understand why. After all, Dan’s a train wreck and he’s promised himself not to drag anyone else down with him.

Dan rolls over in bed and looks out the window for a brief second. He closes his eyes quickly as his eyelids are heavy and he tries to get to sleep. It takes a while, what with all the aches and pains his body has, but he eventually gets there.

He wakes up to shouts from downstairs and the sound of a slap. Dan’s heart-rate doesn’t even pick up anymore when he’s awoken by those noises; they’re so normal to him now.

Still, he climbs out of bed and shuffles to the end of the hall, where he can see into the kitchen. His mother is on the floor shielding her face while his father stands over her, fists shaking in rage.

Dan swallows and turns around, ready to go back to his room. But, as luck would have it, he stands on the one floorboard that always creaks and he hears the whimpers from the kitchen stop.

“Get down here,” he hears his father say in a scarily calm voice.

Dan doesn’t dare to ignore him. He turns around and goes down the stairs and into the kitchen, standing face to face with his father.

“Yes, father?” he asks, pretending he isn’t terrified out of his mind.

“You’re a slut, you know that?”

Dan looks down. “Yes, father.”

“Say it!” he shouts, grabbing Dan’s throat and making his heart stop for a second.

“I’m a slut,” Dan chokes out, trying to regulate his breathing. It’s impossible with his father’s hand on his neck.

Dan’s pushed to the floor and his father looms over him.

“Did you want to see what I do to your whore mother?” he asks.

Dan immediately shakes his head because he really does _not_ want to see it. He knows what happens, he’s experienced it himself, and he wants anything but to see it.

“Do you want your turn instead?” he asks then, smirking at Dan.

He shakes his head harder, tears forming in his eyes out of pure terror. He can’t let them shed, though, because his father will be even angrier at him for that.

“Fucking watch then. If I see you looking away, you’ll get this whore’s punishment instead. Do I make myself clear?”

Dan nods. “Yes, father.”

So Dan watches as his father forces his mother into things she doesn’t want to do. He watches as he chokes her until she passes out and watches as he finishes all over her face.

He jumps as Dan’s father lunges at him before laughing. “Pathetic,” he says, stomping out of the room.

Dan wants to help his mother because the sight is worse than Dan could ever imagine. He can’t, though. He’s frozen in place and all he can do is stare at his mother’s unconscious body.

~~~~

Phil continues writing little notes on Dan’s hot chocolates over the next week. And he continues trying to engage Dan in conversation. It’s difficult, and slow, but Phil begins to learn new things about him.

He’s training to be a lawyer but he actually hates the course and wants to drop out. He doesn’t have any friends, to which Phil says he’s Dan’s friend. Dan just shrugs at Phil’s answer.

Phil also learns that Dan lives with his parents, but he doesn’t know anymore about that. When Phil asked what his parents were like, Dan had shut down. He didn’t say another word to Phil for four days.

“I’m sorry,” Dan says quietly, taking a sip of his hot chocolate.

Phil smiles, happy Dan’s talking to him again. “It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to.”

Dan shakes his head. “It’s not that I don’t want to. I can’t. For lots of reasons.”

“Oh,” Phil says sadly. “Well, if you ever can talk about it, I’m happy to listen.”

Dan smiles at him but doesn’t say anything. Phil changes the topic.

~~~~

Dan starts saving the lids of his hot chocolate cups and storing them at the bottom of his underwear drawer where no one will ever see them. He’s not really sure why, but knowing there are sweet messages from a coffee shop barista in his drawer makes him feel better when nothing else can.

_‘Put yourself first.’_

_‘One step at a time.’_

_‘You don’t have to act happy when you’re not.’_

And then the one that breaks Dan: _‘Progress, not perfection.’_

Dan looks up at Phil from his coffee cup, eyes already teary. Phil hasn’t even sat down yet and Dan’s already bordering a breakdown.

“Hey, are you okay?” Phil asks as soon as he notices the tears in Dan’s eyes.

Dan looks down at his drink. “Progress, not perfection,” he reads. He looks back up to Phil. “I needed that,” he says with a watery smile.

Phil smiles at him sadly. “I’m glad I could help,” he says. “I’m really glad.”

“My father insists on perfection,” Dan says next, making Phil frown. Memories flash behind Dan’s eyes but he pushes them away. “Thank you,” he tells Phil instead of getting more upset.

“You’re welcome.”

~~~~

It’s been a few weeks since Phil met Dan. And to say Phil’s developed a crush on the man would be an understatement. He can’t help it though. The sweet curly-haired man with sad eyes is just too beautiful for Phil to resist.

As he gets ready for work that day, he decides he’s going to ask Dan on a date. He puts on his least-stained work shirt and makes sure his badge isn’t wonky. He adjusts his hair and fringe to make sure there are no fringe gaps. After he’s happy, he heads out to work.

It’s not long into his shift when Dan arrives, on time as always. Dan’s started coming in more regularly since Phil started talking with him. It used to be every so often with no pattern. Nowadays, it’s about mid-afternoon almost every day. Sometimes Dan misses a few days, and Phil texts him to check up. Dan never replies though, which Phil is yet to bring up.

Phil’s anxious all day for Dan to arrive. So much so that Rachel comments on it.

“What’s up with you today?” she asks as she empties the tray from the milk frothing machine.

Phil’s wiping down the benches. “Why?” Phil asks instead of answering.

“You just seem a lot more agitated than normal.”

Phil shrugs. “I’m going to ask Dan on a date when he comes in,” he answers.

Rachel spins around and eyes him to see if he’s lying. Once she’s satisfied, she squeals.

“That’s so exciting!” she enthuses. “I’ve been silently hoping you two would get together from the start,” she admits.

Phil gapes at her. “And you never told me?!”

She shrugs and turns back to finish cleaning the machine.

An hour or so after that conversation, Dan walked in. Phil’s immediately nervous but that quickly goes out the window as he actually looks at Dan.

The man has a black eye covering a good third of his face and his upper lip has a massive crack in it.

“What happened to you?” Phil asks immediately instead of his usual ‘how are you?’

Dan shakes his head and Phil chooses to dismiss it. He’ll bring it up again later when they’re sitting in private.

“The usual?” Phil asks, just to confirm.

Dan nods and Phil rings him up because while he may want to pay for the man’s drink every time, he really can’t afford it when he’s saving every pound he gets for a down payment on a flat.

Once the drink is ready, Phil delivers it to Dan. It’s a little busier today than normal, but Rachel insists that Phil sit with Dan.

“How are you?” Phil asks as he sits down. The behaviour is almost routine by this point.

Dan laughs. “How does it look?” he asks. Phil can tell he’s not being rude.

“Like you got into a fight with 20 buff men.”

“Just one, non-buff but incredibly drunk one,” Dan corrects.

Phil’s eyes widen. “I was making a joke. Who the hell did you get into a fight with?”

“No one,” Dan answers immediately. So quickly, in fact, that Phil’s certain whoever caused that bruise is someone Dan knows and wants to protect. People just don’t respond like that if it’s a stranger.

Phil frowns. “Uh-huh,” he says, voicing his clear disbelief.

“You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you anyway,” Dan says next.

“Try me.”

“No thanks.”

Phil huffs and notices the way Dan draws back. He decides it’s best not to question it.

“Hey, so I was wondering something and, like, you can totally say no if you don’t want to. It’s just an idea but–“ Phil says before cutting himself off. “Um, would you maybe want to go on a date sometime?”

Dan looks shocked and Phil wants to hit himself over the head.

“Wow, real smooth, Phil,” he whispers to himself under his breath.

Dan laughs, which makes Phil blush because Dan wasn’t supposed to hear that.

“You don’t want to go on a date with me,” Dan answers.

Phil eyes Dan, choosing his next words carefully. “Well, I think you’ll find that I actually do.”

Dan rolls his eyes. “You don’t know anything about me. You’d run pretty quick if you did.”

“I run like a tortoise,” Phil says. “But I wouldn’t be running anyway.”

Dan frowns at him. “Fine,” he says eventually.

Phil grins wide.

“But,” Dan interjects before Phil can speak, “it has to be out of town.”

Phil nods. “Whatever you want.”

~~~~

Dan can’t believe he actually has a date planned. He never in a million years thought someone would want to go anywhere with him, platonic or otherwise. He’s Dan Howell, the depressed university student with a shit home life. Though, to give Phil some credit, he doesn’t know about Dan’s home life or that he hates his entire life.

Well, there’s one good part of his life. The coffee shop. Or, more specifically, the barista who always takes time out of his day to write little notes and to talk to him. Dan’s not really sure why, but he does.

They plan the date a little more, deciding to go to the amusement park in Cambridge. It’s an hour out of the city so Dan deems it safe enough. They agree to go on Saturday, which gives Dan three days to mentally prepare himself.

He also hopes to avoid his father as much as possible for those few days, not only because it hurts when he’s with his father but because he doesn’t want a purple face for his first-ever date.

Just as luck would have it, though, Dan gets his results back from his paper on Friday.

When his teacher hands the papers out, he almost breaks down. ‘99%’, it says.

“Excuse me,” Dan asks at the end of his class after everyone has left.

“Yes?”

“May I ask where I lost a mark?”

The teacher looks confused. “You got the best mark in the class by a long shot. You should be happy.”

Dan looks down. “I am. I’m just wondering where I can improve so I can get full marks next time.

The teacher sighs. “Listen, Dan. University isn’t like high school. You can’t get full marks by just trying your best. Everything has to be perfect. And unfortunately, not everything was perfect.”

“But what did I do wrong?” Dan asks again. He needs an answer. He spent hours and hours stressing about this paper and to get ‘99’, while a very good mark, is extremely disheartening.

It doesn’t matter to his father how close he gets to full marks. Unless it’s perfect, he gets punished. Dan blinks back tears as he realises what’s going to come later that day.

“Your margin was too big. Next time, read the instructions carefully.”

Dan looks up, tears about to fall. This teacher has no idea what’s going to happen to him when he goes home. And all because his margin was slightly off?

“I did. I read them again and again. Please, can you recheck?” Dan begs, holding out the paper.

The teacher scowls and Dan steps back, afraid. “I will not measure it again. You got 99 and you need to accept that. Try again next time.”

Dan sighs, not wanting to push it anymore for fear of the consequences. So he sighs and leaves the room.

He doesn’t even try and put it off when he gets home. It’ll happen and there’s nothing he can do about it.

Dan hands the paper to his father and hears his screams. Dan tunes them out. They’re the same every time. He doesn’t need to hear how useless he is, how he’s nothing but a worthless faggot.

He doesn’t even pay attention when his mother pushes him to the floor and his father uses him. He doesn’t care. Nothing matters anymore.

~~~~

“What happened?” Phil shouts as he sees Dan.

They’re at the train station, where they agreed to meet for their date.

“Hello to you, too,” Dan answers grumpily.

Phil frowns. Maybe he misread the entire situation and Dan doesn’t actually want to go on a date. Maybe he just said he did to avoid the awkwardness.

“We don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Phil says, trying to hide the hurt in his voice.

Dan huffs. “No, I want to.”

Phil’s not really sure what to do but they get on the train when it arrives and then it’s too late to turn back around and forget this ever happened.

It’s a half-hour later when Dan says something. They’d been sitting in awkward silence the whole time and Phil’s overly glad that Dan’s engaging him now.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

Phil turns away from the window and looks at Dan. “It’s okay.” After a pause, he adds, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Dan shakes his head but answers anyway. “Just– some shit happened.”

“Oh,” Phil says.

He has half a mind to take Dan’s hand, but they’d agreed not to do anything romantic until they got to the city in case anyone saw them. Phil doesn’t really mind either way – he’s out and proud – but he understands where Dan’s coming from.

“What– what shit happened?” Phil asks next, the cuss sounding weird on his tongue.

Dan shakes his head again. “I can’t say.”

“Is it the same stuff that happened the other day?” Phil asks, thinking he’s starting to understand. He doesn’t like where his mind takes him but it’s the only conclusion he can find.

Dan looks away and whispers a quiet, “Yes.”

Phil swallows. “In that case,” he says, “I need you to be honest with me. Can you do that?”

Dan looks worried but slowly nods. Phil looks him right in the eyes but Dan looks away seconds later.

After a sigh, Phil asks, “Are you being abused?”

The second Phil asks, he berates himself. He should have asked in a more gentle way. He shouldn’t have asked to begin with. He should–

“Yes,” Dan whispers, head down low as tears start falling.

Phil’s eyes widen because while it was the conclusion he’d come to, he’d really hoped to be wrong.

“Who?” he asks, equally as quiet as Dan.

Dan shakes his head. “No. I already said too much. I’m sorry. Please, don’t be mad. Please don’t hate me. I’m sorry. I–”

“Hey, hey, Dan, calm down. It’s okay. You’re safe here. I’ll never hurt you.” Phil stands up to take a seat next to Dan.

“I told you you’d run once you know,” Dan says when he sees Phil stand up.

He just sits down next to Dan. “Does it look like I’m running?” he asks gently.

Dan shakes his head and Phil notices that his whole body is shaking.

“Can I touch you?” Phil asks. He wants to comfort Dan in the best way he knows how but he’s also aware that Dan may not be comfortable with it.

Dan shakes his head again and Phil wants to joke that it’s all he ever does but knows that it’s not appropriate right now. Despite Dan saying no, though, he leans in against Phil.

Slowly, very slowly, Phil lifts his arm and wraps it around Dan’s shoulders. The younger man tenses at the touch but calms seconds later.

“You’ll be okay,” Phil whispers.

~~~~

Dan’s embarrassed. He can’t believe he told Phil the truth. He should have just said no and laughed it off. He could have just said he gets into fights a lot. But instead, he told Phil the truth and now the only guy – or person in general, for that matter – that’s ever shown Dan any positive attention is going to run after they get back to the train station. Dan’s learnt that Phil’s far too nice to ditch Dan when he’s upset. He’ll probably just stick the date out and then run at the first chance he gets. And all because Dan was stupid and vulnerable and can’t even stand up to his own father.

“You’ll be okay,” Phil whispers to him and Dan closes his eyes, wishing he could believe it.

He’s scared out of his mind snuggled into Phil. But at the same time, the man’s presence is strangely comforting. While Dan knows he’s disgusted, he’s good at acting and Dan really wouldn’t know if it wasn’t for his mind screaming it at him.

Once they arrive at the train station, Phil untangles his arm from Dan and they get off the train. The walk to the amusement park isn’t far so they set off.

About five minutes into the walk, Phil’s hand bumps into his. Dan knows what he’s asking for – he’s seen enough movies – but he’s not sure he’s able to. He swallows hard and closes his eyes for a split second, working up his courage.

It’s not even the physical contact he’s afraid of this time. It’s the idea that they’re in public. There are people around that could know him and that could tell his father. He shivers at the thought of what his father would do if he finds out Dan’s on a date with a boy.

Dan suddenly feels something heavy on his shoulders and his first thought is to panic. Phil’s done something and he’s terrified out of his mind. When he looks, though, it’s just a jacket on his shoulders. Phil’s arms are now bare and his jacket is on Dan’s back.

He pulls it closer, not because he’s cold – which is obviously what Phil thinks his shivers mean – but because the comfort of a warm cocoon is keeping him from full-blown panic.

~~~~

Phil buys their tickets despite Dan insisting he could pay for his own. Once they’re inside, Dan relaxes a lot more. He even takes Phil’s hand, which makes his heart swell. He’s glad Dan’s more comfortable now than he was not even ten minutes ago. He hates seeing the man anxious.

The first ride they do is bumper cars. Dan laughs and smiles as he rams into Phil’s side and squeals as Phil runs into him. They go on a spinning ride called ‘Zero Gravity’ that almost makes Phil throw up. They do a miniature drop tower – because it’s all the small amusement park has – and scream in excitement as they fall to the ground.

The park has a whole street of carnival games, which Dan and Phil complete in. Dan ends up winning one more than Phil, which he’s quite proud of. Phil pretends to be upset but is in actuality, very happy that Dan’s enjoying himself.

Next, they go into a funhouse which has them both almost falling over their feet. They stop for a while at the mirrors because neither of them can stop laughing at the warped images of themselves and each other.

Overall, they have a great time. It isn’t until the swings that they have a problem. They’re in their seats and they’re being lifted off the ground by the machine so it can start spinning them.

“My father,” Dan says out of nowhere.

Phil looks at him. “What?”

Dan doesn’t answer in words. Instead, he points to his face and Phil feels his own face pale. He must time his actions, though, because the second Phil realises, the ride starts up and they can’t talk.

After the ride stops, Phil opens his mouth to speak but doesn’t know what to say.

What does anyone say to that? During the ride, Phil thought a lot. He realised that every time Dan’s come in injured, it’s almost definitely the result of his father. He can’t help but wonder what else Dan’s father has done to him.

~~~~

Dan can see Phil’s inner turmoil. He can tell that he clearly wants to ask but, at the same time, doesn’t know if it’s okay to do so.

He’s not even sure why he told Phil. The date’s been going so well and Dan can’t remember the last time he felt this happy and this, well, _safe_. Maybe that’s why. Maybe it’s because Phil actually listens when Dan speaks. Maybe it’s because he’s sick of hiding this massive secret. Maybe he just wants someone to understand.

Either way, he has to keep reminding himself that Phil hasn’t run yet. Phil promised he wouldn’t and Dan’s trying his hardest to believe him.

He hates himself silently. They haven’t even been friends for that long. They’ve only known each other a few weeks and Dan’s debating telling Phil everything. He’s already told him the main pieces of information. But Dan can’t stop himself from wanting to tell Phil every last gruesome detail.

Maybe he’s just self-sabotaging, which is something he learnt about not too long ago. He remembers his lecturer mentioning that some criminals deliberately give too many clues so that they’ll be caught. He remembers thinking about the one time he deliberately didn’t do an assignment because he felt he deserved the punishment that would come from failing.

Phil’s still blinking at him, expressionless.

“Your dad?” he says after a while. So long, in fact, that Dan almost wants to laugh. He was silent for so long, thinking for so long, and what he chooses to say is a question confirming a basic fact?

But Dan nods anyway because he can’t tell if Phil genuinely needs confirmation or if he’s just in shock.

“Why?” he asks next. Dan gestures towards the Ferris Wheel so they head over to line up.

“If I don’t get good marks or if I argue or, like, anything he doesn’t want.”

Phil frowns. “I’m sorry.”

Dan shrugs. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not. No one should go through that. Especially at the hands of their own dad.”

Dan shrugs again. He’s not really sure what he’s supposed to say.

“Does your mum know?”

“‘Know’?” Dan asks, giving a harsh laugh. “She joins in. He makes her.”

They get on the ride and the door is closed behind them.

~~~~

Phil feels sick as he climbs off the ride. Not because he’s afraid of heights or anything else. But because Dan told him what his father does to him in the privacy of their own home.

He’s not really sure how to help. He’s barely an adult and he’s never dealt with anything like this before.

“Excuse me, Sirs. I need to see some ID,” a security guard says then, interrupting Phil’s thoughts.

Both of them search around their bags for their wallets and hand their ID’s over to the man.

“Very well. Thank you.”

Once the man walks off, Phil laughs lightly.

“That was weird,” he says.

“Yeah,” Dan agrees.

“You have to tell someone,” Phil says next, turning their conversation back to what it was before.

Dan grabs his hand and squeezes it. “I can’t,” he answers.

Phil shakes his head in disbelief. “What do you mean you can’t? He could go to jail and you could be free.”

“And where would I live?” Dan counters. “I’m a broke university student with no future. I’d end up on the streets.”

“You– you could live with me.”

Dan laughs. “We’ve known each other for a month, not even. You could be a serial killer for all I know.”

Phil groans, making it over-exaggerated. “Oh darn, you found out my master plan.”

“Shut up,” Dan says, giggling lightly.

Phil has noticed Dan’s change in personality. As he’s gotten to know Phil, he’s become more and more open. And today is obviously a huge step. But small things, like sharing what he did that day or engaging Phil when he’s talking about his plants, were also noticeable.

~~~~

The rest of the date goes by without a hitch. They don’t have another serious conversation which Dan is incredibly grateful for. Sure, it’s nice knowing that Phil actually cares, but the conversations leave Dan high-strung and anxious. He doesn’t want to be either on his first date.

They get back on the train before the sun begins to set. Dan’s stiff in his seat, being careful not to touch Phil. Not only are they on their way back home now – where people Dan knows could see them – but Phil also knows what Dan’s been though now. He can’t help but assume Phil doesn’t want to touch him, even if he seemed to be okay with it earlier.

Phil sits still too and Dan’s not sure if he’s thankful for that. It both confirms what he thinks and also comforts him. Maybe Phil just thinks he’s uncomfortable and is respecting his space. Dan wants to laugh at the thought. Phil may be an angel but he’s Dan. No one ever respects Dan. Phil’s obviously disgusted with him.

“Come visit me soon?” Phil asks sadly, staring at Dan.

Dan looks around uncomfortably. He doesn’t want to leave Phil. More specifically, he doesn’t want to go home. He doesn’t have a choice though. This date is over and now his day of escape is coming to an end. Things have to go back to normal eventually, he knows that, but that doesn’t mean he’s ready for them too.

“If you want,” Dan answers.

Phil looks at him weirdly. “Why would I not want?”

“Because– because of what I told you,” Dan says but it sounds more like a question.

“What you told me isn’t your fault. You can’t control it.”

Dan shakes his head. “I’m weak. I could stop it if I tried.”

“I don’t think you could,” Phil answers sadly. “Not because you’re weak, you’re the strongest person I know, but because he’s manipulative and makes you think it’s your choice to stay when it’s not.”

Dan shrugs and when Phil opens his mouth to argue more, he puts his hand up.

“See you later, Phil.” Dan turns to walk away.

“Bye,” he hears Phil say quietly.

~~~~

Phil sighs and turns to head home.

“Mum!” he calls as soon as he closes the front door.

“In the kitchen,” he hears her call back. He makes his way through the living room and into the kitchen where she’s making lasagne. “How was your date?” she asks as soon as she sees Phil.

“Dan’s dad’s abusive.”

His mum spins on her feet, staring at Phil with wide eyes. “And he told you that?”

Phil nods.

“Gosh,” she says, sounding breathless. “Is he going to go to the police?”

She gestures for Phil to sit at the kitchen table and she sits down after him. He shakes his head.

“Then you have to go for him. I’ll come with you.”

“What?” Phil asks, surprised. “I know he needs help but we can’t just go to the police. He’d never trust me again.”

“Phil, from what you’ve told me before and with this new information, that’s a risk you have to take. He needs help and he’s unable to get it for himself.”

“But–”

“No ‘but’s, Phil. We’re going. Dan can’t be mad at you if I’m making you go.”

“Are you sure he’ll listen to that logic?”

“I have to believe he will. Now go get your things; we might be there a while.”

Phil shakes his head. “We can’t go. I don’t know where he lives. And I don’t even know his last name.”

“Oh.” She sighs. “You need to find out. That boy needs help, Philip.”

“I know but is forcing him to accept it a good idea? Shouldn’t it be when he’s ready?”

“When Nana was younger, around your age, she met someone. A young boy who liked to watch her as she skated. They became friends and one day, he stopped showing up,” she tells him, pausing to sigh. “She didn’t see him again for almost a month. She went to the police but with only a first name, there was nothing they could do.”

“Just like with Dan,” Phil says.

She hums. “Luckily, this boy’s mum was incredibly mentally ill. His father was neglectful. But this boy survived the mistreatment. He got away and came to live with your Nana. Do you want to know who this boy is?”

Phil nods his head. “Your Pop,” she tells him.

His eyes widen, he had never heard that story before. He knew his Pop didn’t have amazing parents and that his Nana helped, but he didn’t know they were bad.

“Pop has said many times that without Nana, he wouldn’t have survived.”

“I didn’t realise he’s serious when he says that.”

His mum nods. “He is.”

Phil blinks. “Wait, so you’re saying Dan’s dad’s going to _kill_ him?” Phil asks, paling.

“Now now, I’m not saying that. But I’m also not _not_ saying that. I don’t know what he does but it could be a genuine threat.”

“I have to help him.”

His mum nods. “You do. But right now, without a surname or an address, there’s not much you can do.”

“He said he’d come visit me at work soon,” Phil says, remembering the end of their conversation.

“When he does, tell him he’s welcome here. Or, if he’s not comfortable with Dad being here, we can get you and him an apartment together. Whatever he needs to be comfortable.”

“Why?” Phil asks, not trying to be rude. His parents are wonderful people but even this seems a bit too nice.

“Because had your Nana not helped your Pop, I wouldn’t be here. Neither would you, for that matter. I want to pay my dues. But it’s mostly because your father and I are lucky enough to have plenty of money and we want to do good things when we can. And Dan makes you happy, I can see that.”

Phil nods slowly before standing up and rushing over to the other side of the table to hug his mum tightly.

“Thank you,” he says, putting all his feelings into the two words.

She pats and rubs his back. “Of course.”

~~~~

Dan lies on his bed. He planned to visit Phil today. It’s been a week since their date and he figured his visit to the coffee shop was overdue.

Unfortunately, though, his father had other plans. He beat Dan for no reason other than he was drunk. He made his mother join in. Then he did _other_ things. Things that make Dan feel sick to his stomach. His mother also joined in on those _activities_ too.

Now, he’s lying on his bed, in too much pain to move. His hips ache from being grabbed and his legs hurt from the positions his father forced them into. His wrists hurt from being held down and his head hurts from having his hair pulled.

His heart hurts the most even though nothing happened to it.

His mouth has a gross taste he doesn’t have the energy to get rid of and his throat is scratchy. This is, by far, the worst he’s ever felt.

_“You could live with me.”_

Dan reminds himself of Phil’s words. He starts to feel teary-eyed, partly from the pain and partly from the overwhelming feelings he gets when he thinks about the black-haired barista.

He’s so nice to Dan for no reason at all. He’s just a nice person. Dan almost forgot nice people actually exist. All he knew was pain and suffering, whether at home or at university. Everywhere he went, there was torment, either from others or his own mind.

But Phil, he treats Dan like a person. A living, breathing, _feeling_ person. Dan can’t remember being treated like that before Phil. He’s not sure if he’s supposed to feel sad or happy by that revelation.

~~~~

Phil feels his heart-rate double in speed when he hears the bell and looks up. It’s a rainy day, not unusual for London. They haven’t had nearly as many customers as usual. It’s pretty much entirely university students on their way to class or trying to stay out of the rain for a few minutes. So when Phil looks up and sees Dan pushing back his tightly-curled hair, he can’t help but smile.

He’s so glad to see Dan. It’s been almost two weeks since their date and while Phil tried to tell himself Dan is not his Pop, he couldn’t help but feel like Dan’s story wouldn’t have the same happy ending that his Pop’s did. At least Dan’s story’s not over, yet. Phil still has time.

Phil immediately writes Dan’s order and passes it onto Rachel who accepts it without a word.

“Hi,” Phil says quietly.

Dan smiles at him but Phil can see the pain behind his eyes. “The usual, please,” he says, handing over a five-pound note.

Phil holds his hands up, not taking the money. “The order’s already been placed, I’m afraid,” he says, smiling back at Dan.

He watches as Dan puts the money back in his pocket and nods once before going and taking a seat in his usual spot.

“Here you go,” Phil says as he sits down. He places the drink in front of Dan and puts his own down in front of him. He hadn’t planned to get a drink for himself but decided he could use the caffeine boost of a caramel frappe.

“Thank you.”

Phil watches as Dan takes a few slow sips of his drink, humming in delight at its taste.

“You can come live with me,” Phil blurts out. He hadn’t meant to, he was going to tackle the topic more sensitively. But seeing Dan there enjoying his drink, those thoughts went out the window. All he needs is to protect him and he can’t do that with Dan still living with his parents.

He looks up, surprised. “You still want that?”

Phil nods. “Of course. I live with my parents but they said they could buy us a flat if you don’t want to live in the same house as my dad. They want to help you.”

Dan stiffens at the last of Phil’s words.

“You told them?” He sounds scared and Phil feels mildly guilty before he reminds himself that this is necessary. He couldn’t have Dan come and live with him without his parents’ approval and they probably wouldn’t have agreed if they didn’t know why it was so important.

“Yes,” he tells Dan, “but it’s okay. They don’t mind. They just want to help, like me.”

Dan blinks his tears away and tastes a big gulp from his drink.

“I can’t,” he says.

“That’s ridiculous!” Phil says, voice rising slightly. “Dan, you need to leave before you get seriously hurt.”

“I’ve been through it all before. I know what to expect now.”

“If you stay he might _kill_ you, Dan. You don’t want that. _I_ don’t want that.”

Dan’s eyes widen. “I’m scared,” he admits. “I had an older brother once.”

“‘Had’?” Phil asks, face portraying the pure horror he’s feeling.

“Had,” he confirms with a nod.

“Please don’t tell me–” Phil begs, trailing off. He can’t even say it.

Dan blinks before choking. “No. Well, yes, but no.”

“What?” Phil asks, breathless from shock.

“My brother ran away when I was younger. He used to get everything. He protected me from it all. He wouldn’t let Father touch me. He took my punishments for me. I didn’t know at the time that he did that for me.” Dan closes his eyes. “He ran away when I was eleven and Father started saying mean things to me. When he saw me kissing a boy, he flipped out. After that, I started getting every punishment I’d ever earned and all the one’s my brother should’ve gotten for running away.”

“You didn’t deserve that,” Phil says gently, taking Dan’s hands and rubbing his thumbs over them.

“He came back one night. He came to get me out of there,” he tells Phil. “He’d gotten a job and a fake name. He made a life for himself in five years and he came back to get me.”

“So what happened?”

“Father found us. We were packing my bag. He was so mad. He, um, sorry,” Dan says, choking on his tears. “He tied me up and refused to let me leave. When my brother tried to fight him to save me, my father, um, he, um–”

“It’s okay, Dan. You’re okay, you’re safe here.”

“He stabbed him. He died right in front of me and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.”

Phil has to blink back his own tears. He never knew it was that bad. Sure, everything he did know was horrific, but he never suspected Dan’s father to be a killer.

“We moved here shortly after that. No one ever found out. Mother and I never told anyone. Until now, I guess.”

“Dan, you can’t stay there. You’re coming home with me,” Phil says, determined.

“Are you crazy?” Dan asks as soon as Phil’s words register. “After what I just told you, you still want me to disobey him?”

“We can move. He’ll never be able to find you. Or we can tell the police and he’ll never even get the chance to find you.”

“No, no police.”

“Then you’re coming with me.”

“Phil–”

“I’ll follow you home if I have to. And then I can call the police ‘cause I’ll have your address.”

“Phil–”

“I won’t take ‘no’ for an answer, Dan.”

“Phil!” Dan says, catching his attention this time. “Thank you,” he whispers next. Phil sees the tears come in a new wave and he stands up so he can hug Dan.

“It’s okay. You’ll be okay now.”

Phil keeps an eye on Dan throughout his shift. After tidying up, Phil takes Dan back to his house. Dan wanted to get some things from his room but Phil insisted that was a terrible idea.

“We’re home!” Phil calls as soon as he opens the front door.

“‘We’re’?” he hears his mum call.

“I have Dan.”

Phil hears a clatter in the kitchen and feels Dan startle against him. He’s partially hiding behind Phil, holding tightly onto his arm. Phil kicks the front door shut as he hears his mother muttering.

Soon enough, she comes into view.

“Oh, deary,” she says as soon as she sees them. She’s looking at Dan with sad eyes and immediately rushes up to him, making Dan step further behind Phil.

“He’s a bit scared at the moment.”

She chuckles lightly but not happily. “I can see that.” She turns to Dan. “Hi, Dan,” she says gently. “My name’s Kathryn and I’m Phil’s mum. It’s lovely to meet you. My husband isn’t home yet but he’s been waiting to meet you too.”

Phil sees Dan shuffle behind him.

“Thank you, Ma’am. I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused.”

“Oh nevermind that nonsense,” she says, somewhat harshly. “You haven’t made any trouble and I don’t think you ever will.”

Dan nods, clearly uncomfortable.

“Dinner’s almost ready. If you’d like, Phil can give you a tour of the house and then you can join us for dinner. Tomorrow, we can go get you some new things as it doesn’t look like you brought anything.”

“Oh, no, that won’t be necessary.”

“Why not?” she asks. “You’re not planning to leave us, are you?”

“Um, no,” Dan whispers, hiding behind Phil again. “I’m fine with these clothes. I don’t need you to spend your money on me. I’m more than grateful that you’ve given me a roof over my head that isn’t my father’s.”

Phil’s mum frowns. “Well, we can discuss that more later. Would you like that tour?”

Dan nods but Phil can tell it’s more out of politeness than actual interest.

“Excellent. I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.”

~~~~

Dan looks at the new room that was just revealed to him.

“And this is my room,” Phil tells him. “You’ll be staying here with me, if that’s okay?”

Dan immediately nods. “It’s more than okay. You and your mother are so nice.”

“My Dad’s nice too,” Phil says. His tone of mock-offence is so exaggerated that there’s no doubt it’s a joke. Dan giggles lightly and Phil smiles wide at him.

Not long after that, they’re called down to dinner.

It’s a relatively quiet affair until Phil’s father breaks the silence with a funny story from work that day. After that, they chat a bit. The questions focus on Dan about half-way through, making him uncomfortable. He does his best to answer, though, knowing it’s the polite thing to do, especially given all they’re doing for him.

Phil’s parents are nice. But that still doesn’t stop Dan’s heart rate speeding up when he hears the gruff voice of Phil’s father. He has to remind himself that the man in front of him is not his own father. And that no one at this kitchen table wants to hurt him, unlike the table in his own home.

 _Own home._ Is it still his home? Or is this his new home? He’s not sure, but he’s thankful either way.

After dinner, Dan cleans up for them. Phil’s mum insists it’s not necessary but he wants to help out. If he’s going to stay here (under Phil’s demand), he’s going to make himself useful.

~~~~

“Phil, can you come downstairs?” his mum calls.

The two of them are upstairs now, both wearing Phil’s pyjamas. Dan’s snuggled into Phil’s bed and Phil’s sitting on his sleeping bag, leaning against the wall.

“Coming,” Phil calls. He informs Dan that he’ll be back and goes downstairs, closing his bedroom door as he leaves.

“Have a seat,” his mum says after he enters the lounge room.

He does as she says, not relaxing. The tension in the room feels almost thick enough to cut.

“Is something wrong?” he asks slowly.

“We’ve been thinking about it for a little while but with Dan coming to live with us, the timing is perfect.”

“What’s perfect?”

“We want to move back up to Rossendale,” Phil’s dad says simply. “We’re getting older and we want to be near Nana and Pop for however long they have left.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” Phil asks next. He’s not opposed to the idea. He loved Rossendale as a kid and he’d love to be near his grandparents again.

“Because by the time we properly decided, you were so caught up with Dan. We didn’t want to add more to your plate.”

Phil nods in understanding. “And it’s good timing now because it’ll get him further away from his father,” he concludes.

“That, and it’s a fresh start for both of you.”

“I mean, I like the idea. It’ll be safer for Dan and I do miss Nana and Pop.”

“So you’re on board?”

“As long as Dan gets to come with us, yeah.”

They nod. “Of course he does,” his mum says.

Phil smiles. “I’m going to go tell him.”

“You do that. We’ll talk about the plan tomorrow.”

~~~~

Dan smiles when he hears a knock on the door and Phil appears.

“Hi,” he says. It’s the first night in a long, long time that he hasn’t had to feel fear. It’s nice. It’s really nice.

“Hey, so um,” Phil starts and Dan’s smile drops.

He’s being kicked out already. He has no clue what he did but he’s being kicked out and that’s it. His one chance at freedom is gone and he has to return to his father. At least it hasn’t been long enough for him to think Dan ran away yet.

“How would you feel about moving?” Phil says.

Dan feels his eyebrows furrow. “What?”

“My grandparents live up North, near Manchester. My parents want to go live up there again and I want to go with them. We want you to come too. You dad won’t be able to find you there, either. It’s a small town so not many people know of it. You’d be safe and could have a fresh start there.”

“You want me to come with you?” Dan asks, confused beyond belief. Phil’s family is lovely and caring and unlike anything Dan’s ever known, but asking him to move with them all the way to Manchester? Dan’s not sure what to say.

“You don’t have to answer now, and I’m sure my parents would pay for us to have a flat here if you wanted to stay, but just, think about it, okay?”

Dan nods, at a loss for words.

~~~~

Phil and his parents, along with Dan, move up North the following month. Phil gets more and more ecstatic as the scenery changes from the city to the countryside. He’s missed living out of a city, even if he never realised.

They arrive at their new house quickly enough. It’s a two-bedroom at Phil’s request. He doesn’t want his parents wasting money on a massive house when he and Dan will probably move out soon.

He likes the idea that nothing was ever really cemented between them. They’re together, if the cuddles and kisses are anything to go by, but it’s never been made official. Just like them moving in together one day isn’t an official plan but is so obvious at the same time.

Phil gives his Pop a tighter hug than usual the first time he sees him. Pop laughs it off, thinking Phil just missed him. Still, he makes sure to pull his Nana aside and thank her for saving Pop.

She looks over at Dan and smiles. “Thank you for doing the same,” she says. How she knows, Phil’s not sure, but she always has claimed to be psychic.

“Hey,” Phil says, putting his arm around Dan’s shoulder.

“Hi.”

“I love you,” he says next. They haven’t told each other that before. It’s something new but at the same time, it feels so normal, as if they’ve known each other for years and have been telling each other that for years.

Dan stiffens a little before relaxing seconds later. “I love you too,” he says back.

Phil thinks back to when they met. He hadn’t wanted to go to work that morning. The question of ‘what if he called in sick?’ has come across his mind before. But in this moment, Phil knows it doesn’t matter. He didn’t call in sick. He went to work. And he saved a life. And met the love of his own life along the way.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! I’ve had this idea in my head for legit almost two years so it’s cool to have it finished :D


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